Why I am so cranky.

Why I am so cranky.

June 5, 2007, 1:29 pm
Filed under: life

(Today, at least.)

So I mentioned in my earlier post that I’m having a hard time sleeping. Everyone does, once in a while, but last night, I actually ended up throwing a full blown tantrum. All by myself, no one around to see it, but imagine, for a second, what kind of frustration it would take to drive an adult to actually pitch a fit.

I’m going to step delicately around the source issue because, while few people read this site, even fewer have been apprised of the details of my current situation, so we’ll leave it a bit hazy – the problem resides in my right leg. At the best of times, it takes me a bit of time and maneuvering to get comfortable, and I shift positions rather frequently.

Last night, however, was not the best of times. Normally, I tend to regard this issue as an inconvenience and go about my life as best as I can. But last night… a step off the “inconveniece” scale right into the “I’m going to rip the goddamned thing OFF!” department.

Have you ever seen some really half-assed Christmas lights? You know, where someone seems to pitch a handful of them into a bush, next to some discarded Bud Light cans and an old tire, and they blink on and off with absolutely no discernable pattern whatsoever? That’s the best comparison I could come up with for how I felt last night – completely random flashes of pain from my hip to my calf, just lighting up over and over and over while I laid there and ineffectively said “Stop, stop, come on, stop!”

So anyway, right, it’s hard enough to fall asleep with that going on, which had me clenching my fists in frustration – I was SO tired I couldn’t see straight any more, and I just had to keep moving and moving and moving to find a position comfortable enough that I would be able to take advantage of a few peaceful moments and fall asleep.

But here’s the rub – no matter what side I lay on, no matter where I am, how tired I am, who I’m with, anything – no matter what, I always turn from whatever side I’m on to the other one right before I actually fall asleep. There’s no avoiding it. I can’t trick me. I will turn over.

So, that leaves me with this situation – I’ve got to fuss around long enough to find a position comfortable enough for me to relax and fall nearly asleep – knowing damn well that I’m going to turn right out of that position if I ever do manage to relax that much.

So do I lay on my right side, and struggle to find a cozy contortion while laying on the problem, since when I turn over, I’ll spend the night not laying on it? That takes forever.

Or do I lay on the left side, knowing it’s easier to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but knowing that when I turn over, I’ll be turning onto my right side and probably jerk myself back awake only to start the repositioning battle all over again?

So, which do you think I chose (after that aforementioned tantrum, of course)?

Turns out, if you tantrum enough to completely and totally exhaust yourself, you’ll eventually pass out flat on your back around 3 or 4am.

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